Uncomfortable

As a worship leader, my heart is for my God and for my congregation. My heart is filled with compassion for us as a family to mingle our voices, our hearts, and our stories as we come to Him together in worship. I desire for my people to long to be with each other and to know God intimately. As I pray and prepare for services, this is on the forefront of my heart and mind.

And in times of service preparation, I often find myself in a quandry: So much of what I have seen or been taught has to do with comfort - providing an atmosphere in the service that makes us feel "at home", "welcomed", "relaxed"...comfortable. Typically a North American worship leader attempts to do that through song choice (songs that are familiar or which fit the demographic well) and purposeful attention to atmospheric components (sanctuary comforts, sound, media, lighting and decorative choices etc.)

But when I think about worshiping our God, I can't get away from the thought that worship is just not supposed to be comfortable.

Worship is what spills out of us because we have encountered the Almighty God.

I think of Isaiah, overwhelmed in the presence of the Lord. He was overwhelmed by his own wretchedness revealed by the holiness of God (Isaiah 6). He was undone. He needed cleansing. Bare, weak and vulnerable before the Lord, His surrender and desperation was His worship. That is not comfortable.

I think of John falling down as though dead when he saw Christ - hair white as wool, with eyes that blazed like fire, feet like glowing bronze and a voice like rushing water (Revelation 1). And I think of his description of the worshipers in Heaven - falling down before the Lord and crying out to God day and night (Revelation 4-5). Their worship is not confined to a killer 12-minute set.

No worship leader made John fall as dead. No well-written or amazingly-executed song created the worshipers' desperation before the Lord. No lights and smoke effects caused Isaiah to become undone. He simply was undone because of the presence of the Holy God and the deep, anguishing ache of desperation for holiness himself.

And so I think to myself: Who am I that I think my efforts will produce worshipers? Who am I that I think that if I just get the right songs and the right reading and the right atmosphere, my people will ache for holiness? I am not the answer to my burden for our family to hunger after God and His righteousness. God is the Answer.

He alone answers hunger. He alone answers brokenness. He alone answers surrender. He alone answers death.

And so I close my computer, I put away my service planner, and I get on my face before Him. Father, I want what is uncomfortable.