The line between discipline and self-righteousness

I often find that the Lord uses my children to show me a picture of myself. It's humbling, to say the least. But God has a way of reminding me of my own frailty without condemnation, while holding out His hand of grace and gently reminding me of His strength. He is so much more merciful than I.

My kids are great - full of spunk and personality, independence, creativity, energy, determination and often willfulness. They are who they are, and strongly so. And God has entrusted them to the care of two parents who are also full of personality, creativity and determination. (I won't say willfulness, but it can remain implied in a whisper, ok?) They are being trained up in a Christian home, with 2 Christian parents involved in the ministry. They attend Sunday School, midweek Jr. Church, they are involved in puppetry and drama ministries and even take their music and dance lessons through the arts mentoring program we have developed at the church. Our littlest goes to a fantastic Christian daycare 2 days per week afterschool. Sounds perfect, right? Well, in myriad ways, it is wonderful. They have dedicated and trustworthy influences around them investing in their lives, and we are happy with the teaching they are getting. And because they all attend public school, I am happy that their extra-cirricular things are run with a Biblical world-view.

But, I have been contemplating self-righteousness. Not the boastful kind, or the purposeful kind even. But the learned-behavior kind. The inherited kind. The kind that says "I'm sorry" even when I'm not. The kind that tells you that moving this way = wrong but moving that way = right, and that once you've got the dance figured out you can rest on the laurels of mastery.

So it was with me for so long. So I find it still is with areas of my heart even now..

Righteousness is tricky business. Tricky because there are many false things that can masquerade as righteousness and appear to be true on the outside. Tricky because the truth of righteousness in only seen on the inside hand-in-hand with motive. Tricky because so often we, as well-meaning Christian parents, teachers, leaders, teach and expect and reward righteous behaviors, and don't just teach Christ.

In myself I am not righteous. I can't be righteous without the miraculous transformation that comes from drawing closer to Christ, who wraps His righteousness around me. I can teach a plethora of Sunday school classes, work for charities, help the poor, spout off Scripture, sing some compelling and heart-wrenching songs about surrender and yet remain in my unrighteousness. The trouble is, I may look righteous while doing so, and I probably believe that I am! Because I am looking at what I'm doing to be righteous rather than looking at Christ, and recognizing my frailty in the light of His holiness.

The Lord is loving and merciful, and He draws me in and lifts my head to look in His face again and again. He is righteous. And He promises to make me like Him if I follow Him. He doesn't ask me to perform tricks for a treat or to run the gauntlet...He simply asks me to follow Him. To get to know His mind an then imitate Him.

And the Lord brings my mind back to my children. In all of their glorious messiness, with the attitudes that reflect their still unchanged natures, they give me a picture of the work the Lord has done and is doing in me. He doesn't want them to perform tricks for a treat either. They could look the part of Pastor's kid, they can be sweet as sweet can be in public, they could be the very best at memorizing their memory verses, and be very convincing. And if I wasn't astute, I may even allow them to follow that gauntlet and applaud their dance of mastery....but I would be applauding their trust in their own self-righteousness.

But no. His righteousness is awaiting them too. They need to wade through the mire, recognize their need for a savior and reach their own hands up out of the pit to have Him grab them. That's not taught. That's lived. They need my love, my encouragement, and discipline, but they don't need me forming them into what I think the "people at church" want them to look like. They also don't need me to isolate them from the world. That only serves to solidify in them the falsehood that they are different from others, when in fact they are very similar. We all are in need of Rescue.

And so, as I discipline my children, responding to behaviors that are wrong, I need to remain reminded that I need to do so much more than modify their behavior to make it look better. I need to teach them of God's holiness. I need to model mercy. I need to remember the grace bestowed upon me, and that even when I have stumbled, it has always been the Lord to pick me back up and gently set my feet on the path. Yes, they need to learn obedience. To obey is huge....but it is in seeing God's mercy that will help a desire for Christ to burn in their hearts. And it is in this miracle of a desire for Christ that they will reach for their Rescue, and begin to follow.