Parenting is THE single most difficult thing I have ever done, and I need to confess something: When my children were babies/toddlers, and people whose children were older than mine spoke to me about how easy I had it compared to them, I thought they were CRAZY. Surely, they had just forgotten how difficult it is to raise babies and toddlers. Surely, since their kids had grown up a little more, they just were being selective in what they remembered about those most difficult years...right?
WRONG. Boy was I wrong. I can't tell you how often I reminisce and almost wish that my 9, 7 & 5 year olds were 4, 2 & 0 again. How often do I long for those days back when the craziness fluctuated between diapers, spit-up, potty-training and wiping sweet potatoes off of the wall. Goodness, throw 100+ girls in 3 dorms and all of the craziness that brings on top of all of that, and many days I'd still take it back in an instant!
But those days are gone for me now, and I have three children, all in school, all finding their way in this crazy life we have. Throw in a ministry that is thriving and 2 parents' hearts that long to live life with His people and to pour oil and wine on the hurting, and you have....well, our life.
But here's where it's hardest. Our kids' craziness is no longer spit-up, wakeful nights, toilet training and remembering to stock the diaper bag. Even the sweet potatoes on the wall has settled down slightly. But now it's self-esteem, bullies at school, social studies tests and questions about God and Heaven so deep they send me running to the Word over and over. It's self-discovery, sibling squabbles, unique personalities and learning styles. It's knee-bending, heart-wrenching, persistent prayer about their sweet souls, relying solely on the Lord to soften their hearts and grab hold of them early. It's early morning petitions, mid-day interventions, and late-night head-shaking and "how will we do this again tomorrow, God?"
It's utter submission to the Lord's direction. It's sheer dependence on Him for sanity and strength. It's "God, help them...shape them, keep them, preserve them this day. Shield them from the darts of the enemy. Remind them you're there with them when they feel lonely. Fill their minds with encouragement even when their teacher is yelling at the class again. Protect their little hearts. God help me help them. Holy Spirit, fill my mouth to speak Your Word to them...I can't do this without You!"
How do people who don't know the Lord and have His joy as their strength raise children without going off the deep end?? Seriously...how do they do it?
Parenting children: It's chasing down lies with Truth. It's crying over their hurt feelings. It's reminder after reminder that God never leaves them nor forsakes them. Over and over it's placing them back in the Lord's hands.
It's thanking God over and over for the delight that they are, the unique gifts they have, and the roadmap He gave us in His Word for how to train them up. It's calling out the gifts that God has made in them. It's steering them with those gifts. It's repeatedly relinquishing control while maintaining their parameters.
It's not looking another 4 years down the road, and simply trusting the Lord to give is the strength, courage, wisdom, peace and patience to make it through today.
It's hard...it's harder than I ever imagined. But there's nothing like hearing your 9 year old say, "I can't wait to talk to King David someday. And Paul...I really want to talk to Paul when I get to Heaven." It's not beating your head against the wall when his very next statement has something to do with hating his brother!
Oh Lord...how I need your wisdom and your strength. Help me never to trust in my own capabilities. Help me never take any of these difficult, crazy and wonderful moments for granted. They're Yours....help me love them the way that you do.
6 comments:
Elizabeth, you are such a good writer. I guess that is why you are a songwriter! :)
On a sidenote: you should consider coming to Hillsong Conference and taking the songwriting stream. I went to a few this past year and they were aaaamazing! Just a thought...
I start songwriting next semester and I am so pumped!
It's so very true. Thanks for writing this!!
This makes me even more scared of raising children: all that energy that is required!!! ahhh!
Now I don't know what to think....I thought almost nothing could be harder than the first three months of life (except maybe teenage years), but I guess I was wrong! Good thing I am able to leave my little girl in His hands!!
Hi, Elizabeth, you don't know me, but my husband and I took a FLAME class with Scott last year, and he gave me your blog address and I've been checking it from time to time. You're a great writer! :-)
This post speaks to the heart of motherhood. My girls are 19 and 23and I still feel like my heart lives outside my body. My hopes and prayers for their protection and direction are the same. Thanks for opening your heart.
Yep... it's a never ending cycle, isn't it... While I have a hard time with my 2 younger ones, I find that my 12 year old step son is the hardest of them all. And it has nothing to do with him being a "step child" I hardly ever use that term. He is just going through many changes in life, and needs that extra one-on-one and assurance that he is doing a good job! Your post was very good, you should consider writing a book (in all that spare time you have!)
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