Undone

And she couldn't even really put more than two thoughts together about it, for it was too vast. The unexpected realization that her perspecive of Him and of herself were not accurate threw her. She was coming undone.

That the Person whom she worshipped, on whom she focused, of whom she read, to whom she talked, about whom she thought, around whom she centered her life, could be different than she had perceived was more than she thought she could handle. How had her own self slyly slipped into the foreground of all of her beliefs and assumptions about Him? How had the Person she loved been formulated around whom she wanted Him to be?

For He was so much bigger than her perception. He was infinitely more detailed than she could ever conceive. His purpose was so much greater than her own, and yet she had so glibly packaged it into something she could comprehend and plan for.

She didn't need to know what the outcome would be. Wasn't part of being a bond-servant laying down her own plans? While she thought she had already set aside her reputation, her goals, her life, somewhere along the way she had found it again and unwittingly picked it back up. It had seemed obvious to her that, if she obeyed Him in this, the outcome would be logically sequential. But He was above her logic. Wasn't He?

The salt of her tears stung her skin as she knelt and realized where her wholeness lay. Only in His outstretched hands. No matter that she couldn't know the outcome, He alone was Truth and Life. She felt small, alone and yet not. This tightrope was familiar...this journey new, but seen before. She knew it was the time for a layer to be stripped, leaving her exposed, uncertain, and yet certain.

In the quietness, humbly and desperately, she surrendered...