On wanting to win

I feel precariously balanced.

And unsure which way to step.

As many of you know, I entered some songs into 2 songwriting competitions, and one of my songs came in the Top 10 of one competition. I am headed to compete this weekend against the other 9 finalists.

I would be lying to say that I don't want to win. Of course I want to win. But, I desperately want my heart's main goal to be to further the Lord's reputation, not my own. I desperately want my desire to be more for glorifying the Lord than for winning.

Before I knew the Lord, competition was ordinary in my life. I was very often in music competitions, striving to be the best, to win. And now, here I find myself in this familiar and unfamiliar position...precariously balanced between wanting the Lord to be glorified through my music, and wanting to win an opportunity to have the music He's given to me heard by others.

Many people with loving hearts have told me lately that they're praying I'll win. And then my mind wanders back to the lady who once told me I hadn't won something because my faith hadn't been strong enough. Yuck. I know that the people who are praying for me are praying because they love me and want to see me encouraged. My prayer is that I'll find encouragement and discover exactly what the Lord's will is for this particular situation. And I pray that He shows me the way for the music He's given me to reach churches...to reach people. And I pray that my heart will be pure.

No deep conclusions here today, folks. Just musings on this tightrope which I've found myself on this week.

Pray for me please...and I'll keep you posted.