I had hoped for more feedback on my last posting about intimacy. Thank you Ang for being candid and descriptive. How you spoke of your relationship with Christ was beautiful.
I am still on a journey. Sometimes I mistakenly think that I undertake different, unrelated paths. Then the Lord gently reminds me it's all one journey...toward Him. He just shows me different things at different times along the WAY.
You may remember how I've spoken recently several times of his abundance. He has been endeavoring to show me that He is MORE than enough. He has been building my faith. Well...now He is showing me that he wants to show me more! And I'm not talking about material things, or earthly conveniences or extravagances. I'm talking about more of HIM.
I had asked whether or not you feel your relationship with Him is intimate, hoping to hear honest stories of closeness, or not-so-closeness. You see, He has shown me that I have not known the intimacy that He longs for me to have with Him. Asked a few weeks ago, I would have answered "Yes. My relationship with Him is intimate". Ask me now, and I will tell you that I am only just learning that I have much more intimacy to discover.
What seems like many moons ago, on our lakeshore vacation this Summer, the Lord spoke to me these words: "Look beyond the surface." Well, that has been our running theme over these colder months. Repeatedly, He has been teaching me to see things from an eternal perspective; He has been working to open my eyes to see things differently than I otherwise would. I now see that part of that was to prepare me for this next leg of our journey.
I am excited about this part! I was surprised to learn that I've had my face turned somewhat away from Him. While I thought I was standing, naked and unashamed, in the fullness of His glory, He showed me that I have only allowed Him in so far. I have still had some self-protective walls holding Him at arms' length. At this point, fresh in this discovery, I am still seeking Him, finding out the lies that created these walls which have distanced me from my Savior. Sometimes He just blows me away. The amazing part is, even while delving back in time to uncover the lies, I feel no condemnation, but only love.
While on the fabulous trip that the Lord totally orchestrated for me and my husband, the Lord began to speak to me about intimacy. He drew me back to my youth, when I did not know Him, and when I casually gave of myself too freely, and did not see intimacy as something holy to share only with my God and my husband. These long-ago times are long erased from my mind, and the walls of guilt, shame and condemnation were broken down with His help quite some time ago. But, it was at this point of my youth that I constructed some self-protective walls and formed some misconceptions about true intimacy. I had no idea! And, though now saved, very happily married and many years along my journey with the Lord, I discover that I have been maintaining some of these same misconceptions, which have been keeping me from experiencing the fullness of intimacy with both my husband and my God as the Lord intended.
While that sounds depressing, I am excited! Because the Lord has opened my eyes to something more He has for me. Because the Lord loves me enough to WANT more for me. He wants me to truly delight in Him....though I thought I already did, there's MORE...Praise the Lord!!
And so...I still have so much to learn...but He has begun to show me several reasons why he wants me to become more intimate with Him. As He has spoken to me about intimacy, He has heaped His love on me; He has helped me to uncover some more strongholds I did not know were there; He has helped me to begin to venture into new waters in this 10-year-old marriage, which I think will make us feel newly-wed; He shown me a new perspective on my ministry here on earth...but I think I'll keep that to myself for now.
I covet your prayers on this new adventure as I learn even more to wait upon the Lord, whose face will not turn from me. Pray that I will continue to lift my face to the Son. I am so glad that the Alpha and the Omega does not desire a stagnant life for me on earth. Rather, He is always new.
3 comments:
Elizabeth, I want to thank you for your blog! As weird as that sounds...it's true. Your no-holes-barred account of your Savior and your walk with Him is always a refreshing read to me. I am always left hungering more for the Lord...that's the point of it all, isn't it? Thank you for your honesty and depth...depth you really don't see on very many blogs...and for you openness. You encourage me.
Thank you Elizabeth for that profound truth and honesty. I wanted to comment before on your 1st post on this and didn't know how to say "no...i am not near intimate with God" without feeling guilt. I picked up a book on sunday called "Come Thirsty" by Max Lucado. As i am venturing in it i am realizing that shame is not for me, guilt is not for me, depression is not for me, non of that non-sense is for me. I am learning to come thirsty and drink from his living well in a whole new way now. I too asked last month if i were intimate with Christ would have said Yes. Now i would have to say "no, but am i ever excited to get to that point" It blows me away how every time i read your post we are realizing the exact same things. God is so good, so confirming, and always provides mentors along the way. I admire you Elizabeth.
what a beautiful walk you share with the Lord my friend. He is so faithful to take us deeper - into ourselves to reveal lies and then out of ourselves to delve deeply into His heart where only Truth exists. I had meant to answer the question on your last post for days but kept neglecting to do so becuase I was pondering the question intently. Would I describe my relationship with Jesus as intimate? yes. but only as much as I know how to define intimate. He is more to me than the air I breathe. I crave His Word, His presence every hour and He speaks to me, touching my soul and satisying me. But all I have to meausre intimacy by is what my finite brain can understand. Agur wrote in Proverbs, "I am too ignorant to be called human and I lack common sense." (30:2) that's how I feel on this issue. In my ignorant understanding of intimacy yes, I am intimate with the Lord. But I am discovering that He wants to reveal to me intimacy as HE knows it to be - a depth that extends beyond the reach of words. He is slowly taking me there and I can barely breathe.
when you wrote about where the Lord is taking you in this last post I thought of a verse I meditated on today: "I have set the Lord always before me, because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken." (Psalm 16:8) You have set Him before you. He is drawing your eyes far beyond the surface. what He is doing in you is precious; what He is calling you to will be glorious and filled with Christ. He is so good.
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