On the weekend, I had the immense blessing to sit under the ministry of a woman with an incredible anointing on her to preach the truth. She displayed an unquestionable authority, a clarity of speech, and yet a graceful and comfortable delivery of God's Word which invited me in...completely. I speak of none other than Mrs. Natasha Erskine...a woman of beauty and grace, humility and the power of the Lord's anointing to minister and preach truth.
What Natasha, I'm sure, didn't know specifically, was that the Lord was using her to solidify some things He wanted to say to me, as I continued to journey with Him along the path of my senses. You see, Natasha talked of sight...seeing Jesus, to be exact. And the Lord showed me some simple, yet very powerful things as a He walked along with me.
I once was blind...dead in my sins, unaware of grace and oblivious to my need for mercy. But He drew me, He wooed me, He brought into my life people who would love me enough to pray for me and guide me closer to Him. And then He opened my eyes to His unmerited favor. "He called me out of darkness and into His wonderful light" (1 Peter 2:9). I could now see!
Now, several years later, I sit and ponder, what is it that I now see? In my life, fresh with Christ, what am I seeing? Well, I see that I have changed...a lot. I can see that the Lord has gently, lovingly stripped away many, many ugly layers of fear, pride, self-righteousness, doubt, discouragement...and that He has been creating beauty for ashes. I see that He has dismantled many, many ugly lies that I have believed about myself, and about Him since I was young...and that He has been giving me a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness.
And unfortunately I see that, most often, I see...me. Me. My eyes are almost always focused on Elizabeth. What am I feeling? What do I need to do? What does the Lord want to do in me? What does the Lord want to use me for? How is he going to use My gifts to impact the lives of others? Me. Thoughts of me are like clouds which subtly blur my eyes from seeing Christ. Thoughts of my personal transformation in the Lord keep my eyes off of the One Who transforms. Thoughts of my usefulness in His kingdom work elevate me in my eyes. Though I look, talk, feel and act as though He is the center, I am still on the throne, because my eyes are focused on ME.
Natasha reminded me that to "see" means to behold, or to stare at. In Hebrews 2:9 is the beautiful phrase "but we see JESUS". I love the "buts" in scripture, for, despite what lay before them, after them is always hope. I have pondered this much since the weekend and the Lord is showing me why He brought this to me at this time. I long for my life to be one in which my eyes are permanently fixed on Jesus, where the things of earth grow strangely dim because my eyes are turned constantly on Him. Today I declare a turning point...which means that, from now on I will turn my eyes...I will stare at, behold the light of Him, His glory and His grace.
I once was blind...but now I see Jesus.
I once was lost in darkness...but now I see Jesus.
I have afixed my eyes on my abilities...but now I see Jesus.
I have beheld the distractions of life...but now I see Jesus.
I have stared at my own ingenuity...but now I see Jesus.
I have been transfixed by my own self-worth...but now I see Jesus.
I have watched my own daily must-do's..but now I see Jesus.
I have looked upon my own desires...but now I see Jesus.
I have seen my own agendas...but now I see Jesus.
I have contemplated my own plans...but now I see Jesus.
I have seen myself on the throne...but now I see Jesus.
I have squinted through the clouds before me...but now I see Jesus.
I have beheld Elizabeth...but now I see Jesus.
Lord, I turn my eyes upon You and I look full in Your wonderful face. May the things of earth grow strangely dim in the light of Your glory and grace.
4 comments:
Elizabeth, I loved how you described this journey...it is much like one the Lord has been taking me on this month. Turning my eyes off of "me" and onto Him- completely!
If you don't mind, I'm goign to print out that last part you wrote and put it on my fridge for a while to remind me of this focus.
It's not all about me- even my salvation is for His glory.
This morning they played "Awesome God" on the radio, sung by Rich Mullins (I think it was actually written by his guitarist, Beaker), on my way to work.
In the clarity of this "God-glory-focused journey" the Lord has had me on, the song was so much more meaningful and worshipful! I've always thought that song to be powerful- but when I really meditated on the words (especially the veres), it drew me before His glory and power like never before!
I love how that song describes God. He is awesome! And it is ALL about Him. I love that it does not focus on our relationship with Him, but rather just HIM!
Now, I haven't time to go back and read this again to make sure I said everythign correctly, b/c my piano student is here.
So bear with me. Sorry so long.
Elizabeth! I love reading your writing. God has given you a lot of gifts and they're not all musical...your words on your blog are always inspiring to me. I've been thinking about everybody at home a lot and I really miss you an Scott and the kids. I hope you're all doing well. Christmas seems so far away, but I honestly cannot wait to see you! I, having an awesome time here though and I'me excited to tell you all about it when I'm home. Say hi to Scott and the kids for me! I love you!
Ouch! Elizabeth, I've often told Tash that you and I are more alike than I realized when I first met you. Now I know I'm right. Unfortunately for us, we're both the type of people who have opened our eyes only to see ourselves. I didn't ask for that life, did I? As you infer, yes I did. I asked God to come into my life. To bless me. To bless my wife. To help me. To strengthen me. To encourage me. To equip me. To call me. To use me. To reign victoriously in my home. To free me. To give me thoughts. To give me visions. To challenge me. To walk with me. To guide me. To teach me. To ... me. To ... me. To ... me. You're getting the point; how many times can "me" be part of this journey with the Lord? So far, it's been too many times. That's why I also liked how Tash said, "To see means to stare at." Stare at. That gave it whole new meaning. When I stare at Christ I get tunnel vision. The paradox here is that I also get everything I asked for above. I just don't get that until I stop staring at what I want from Him, where I want to go with Him, whom I want to be with Him, and just stare at Him!
Nice
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